Twisted: Prologue
by Uncle Elmo
Summary: Find out how the Twisted Series began in a second rate Mary Sue piece of trash like this one!


TWISTED: Prologue  
  
(Featuring the People from the FFVII discussion board)  
  
This is like a farewell Present, So you've got something to read While I'm away. Soory Chibi for Nicking your idea, I was 'Inspired' by your idea. If you Like it I'll add more parts soon.  
  
(Uncle Elmo is sitting at the computer typing out another poem and listening to the Parappa the Rapper Soundtrack..)  
  
ELMO: … What ever you like in the middle, fiddle….. DAMN! Is that the time? I've got to go and catch the bus!  
  
He takes time to log off and runs out the computer room, then...  
  
ELMO: What the hell! where did college go?  
  
Elmo finds himself lying on the floor of what looks like a forest.  
  
ELMO: Where the hell Am I?  
  
A voice answers him:  
  
VOICE:Just 5 miles outside Junon.  
  
ELMO: Who are you?  
  
VOICE: You must be Elmo, I'm Ambigore, Chibi's over there and Draven is scouting the area.  
  
ELMO: What are we doing here?  
  
AMBIGORE: Search me. I was in Bed, Chibi-chan was tucking into her lunch and Draven was kicking in some Flamers on the FFVIII Frontier board.  
  
ELMO: Perhaps we're Magic Knights.  
  
CHIBI: Oh ha ha. Very Funny. No we're no where near Cepiroh, trust me, I'd know.  
  
ELMO: Mabye this is a dream…  
  
CHIBI: Listen if this was a dream would you feel this? (She pulls out a giant mallet and wacks Elmo on the head)  
  
ELMO wwwww! That hurt!  
  
CHIBI: See?  
  
ELMO:Where the hell did you get that mallet from?  
  
CHIBI: (Rolling her eyes) Don't you know ANYTHING? I got it from Pocket space. Just think up a weapon and you'll have it. Try it.  
  
Elmo closes his eyes for a minute and a stick appears in his hand.  
  
ELMO: Hey! I wanted s sword.  
  
CHIBI: So did I, but it appears we have to have the same weapons as our creations in our Fanfics.  
  
ELMO: That means…  
  
AMBIGORE:That you have the Princess Guard, yes.  
  
ELMO: Aww. What's Draven scouting for?  
  
AMBIGORE: Well one, we need food, two we need the right clothes and three we need to know where exactly in the game we are.  
  
ELMO: So we're actually IN the World of FFVII?  
  
AMBIGORE: It looks like it, yes.  
  
ELMO: Hey Chibi, shouldn't you know all about interdimensional travel? You could whisk up Rini's necklace and get us out of here.  
  
CHIBI: Don't you think I've tried? We've been here for a couple of hours and I can't do it!.  
  
(Draven runs into the Clearing)  
  
Draven: Hey! Guys, (looks at Elmo) who's this?  
  
Elmo: I'm Uncle Elmo  
  
Ambigore We're all a gang again!  
  
Draven: Not quite. I heard that they're holding someone hostage in Junon, and from their description it sounds like Death FRB.  
  
Chibi: Let's go get him!  
  
Ambigore: Have you heard any information about current events? Do you know where we are in the game?  
  
Draven: I have a pretty good idea, yes.  
  
Ambigore: How?  
  
(The gang Walk to the edge of the forest, Fort Condor is in front of them)  
  
Draven Points up  
  
Draven: THAT's how I know!  
  
The searing red ball hangs high in the sky  
  
They all gasp in unison  
  
All: Meteor!  
  
Elmo: I never knew it was THAT big.  
  
Ambigore: So that means we're at least on the second disk. We can't have long, a couple of weeks at the most.  
  
Chibi: Hey, Ambigore at least we'll know if your sequel theory is correct!  
  
Ambigore: Chibi, shut up!  
  
Chibi: (Holding up her Mallett) You telling me to shut up?  
  
Ambigore: Point taken.  
  
Elmo: Well what now?  
  
Draven: We go and get Death and find a way outta here!  
  
Draven raises his sword.  
  
Elmo: Hey, I wanted a sword, not a poxy staff.  
  
Draven: Shut up Elmo or I'll shove this up your @$$  
  
Elmo: (mumbles) Crappy staff, sword's much better….  
  
(Chibi Whacks Elmo on the head with the Mallett again.)  
  
Elmo wwww! Will you quit doing that!  
  
And so the group walks toward Junon.  
  
Chibi: You know these clothes you got us, they're freaky Draven. I mean a flowery dress, URGH!  
  
Draven: I couldn't help it. They were all I could find. We've no gil remember?  
  
Ambigore: Does that mean we have to get some by fighting some monsters?  
  
Elmo: I don't like fighting, I'm a pacifist.  
  
Draven: Get over it, here they come!  
  
The fight was over in seconds.  
  
Chibi: You're a funny pacifist Elmo, the way you went mad there.  
  
Elmo: I couldn't help it. I got a little mad at them.  
  
Draven: I'd hate to see you get a LOT mad!  
  
Ambigore: Look, Junon! We're almost there!  
  
Elmo: Do you realise that we're almost stereotypical RPG characters?  
  
Chibi: What do you mean?  
  
Elmo: Well Draven's the hero, with his sword and haircut...  
  
Draven: Don't diss the 'do Elmo!  
  
Elmo: You, Chibi, are the optimistic female of the piece.  
  
Chibi: Thanks!  
  
Elmo: Ambigore, you look like a magic user to me.  
  
Ambigore: But I don't want to be a … (BANG)  
  
(Chibi Raises her mallett again)  
  
Chibi: Anyone else complainig? No? No takers? Fine!  
  
Elmo: And I'm the paranoid one who doesn't-want-to-figit-but-will-do-when- pushed type.  
  
Chibi: I haven't heard of that type before.  
  
Elmo: I just made it up.  
  
Chibi: Oh, alright then.  
  
Ambigore: (Looking around nervously) Junon looks quiet.  
  
Draven: Junon was always quiet.  
  
Elmo: I heard the most exciting thing that happens in Junon is the annual bingo competition.  
  
Ambigore: Of course there is Weapon.  
  
Elmo: Sssssshhhhh. It might not have happened yet. Don't want to cause a spoiler do we?  
  
Ambigore: That's right.  
  
Draven: We have to get into Upper Junon, I bet that's where Death is.  
  
Ambigore: Look, there's the elevator. We just bribe the guard and he'll let us in.  
  
Elmo: Not quite. He'll let Cloud in. We're not Cloud.  
  
Draven: Let me!  
  
(Draven walks up to the guard, who's having a smoke)  
  
Draven: We want to go in here, so open up!  
  
Guard: That'll cost ya 10 gil  
  
Draven: No can do. Just let us in.  
  
Guard: No way! If I get caught, Heidegger will kill me.  
  
Draven: Let me tell ya what I'll do to you if you DON'T let us in!.  
  
(Draven whispers in the Guard's ear)  
  
Guard: (looking Horrified) What? Two times?!  
  
Draven nods his head.  
  
Draven: Now are you gonna let us in?  
  
Guard: (Visibly shaken) O…K. Ju-ju-just go!  
  
Draven: C'mon guys, let's get going!  
  
The group enters the lift and it goes up.  
  
Elmo: Don't you think it's weird that all lift shafts in this place look the same?  
  
All Others : SHUT UP!  
  
Elmo: Sorry, just a thought.  
  
Ambiogre: Draven do you know where Death is being held?  
  
Draven: I heard someone's beuing executed, I thought that might be him.  
  
Elmo: Uhhh Draven, that might be Tifa.  
  
Chibi: And you know what that means…  
  
ALL: Weapon!  
  
Elmo: Oh bugger!  
  
GASP! What will happen? Will Death FRB get rescued? Will our noble heroes survive the attack by Weapon? Will Elmo get his sword? Will they meet Cloud and his gang? Will I stop using these clichéd endings?  
  
TWISTED: Prologue Part 2  
  
LAST TIME: Our heroes were caught in Junon looking for Death FRB…  
  
Chibi: and you know what that means…..  
  
ALL: Weapon!  
  
Elmo: Oh Bugger!  
  
Elmo: Do you have this real sense of Déjà vu?  
  
(They wait nervously for 15 minutes)  
  
Draven: This is ridiculous. Weapon isn't coming.  
  
Elmo: Yes he is... I can feel it, We're doomed. DOOMED I TELL YA!  
  
(Chibi bags him on the head with a mallet)  
  
Chibi: Knock that off, this isn't some second rate disaster movie.  
  
Draven: Well isn't that a disappointment. They wait all that time for us to be turned into sushi and what happens- NOTHING!  
  
Ambigore: It's an anti-climax. I HATE THEM. Why can't all endings be nicely tied up?  
  
Exiled Weapon: We still haven't found Death FRB.  
  
(A voice comes from behind)  
  
Voice: Looking for me?  
  
(Predictably it's Death FRB)  
  
All: You're Death FRB?  
  
Death FRB: Right! We were brought here earlier than all of you.  
  
Draven: We? Who else?  
  
(A Small mongrel, about the size of a Jack Russell Speaks)  
  
Voice2:Hey! Down here!  
  
Draven: You? But you're a dog!  
  
Pooch: No #$%& sherlock… but I wasn't always a dog. One day I'm criticising Elmo's Fanfics then BANG I've got a tail and a hankering for bitches butts!  
  
Elmo: Hey! Why's everyone looking at me?  
  
Ambiogre: Anyway why are we all here?  
  
Death FRB: I can answer that question. It's to do with (Echoey voice) The Laws of Narrative Causality  
  
Elmo: Cool! Did anyone notice that!  
  
Draven: What about The Laws of Narrative Causality?  
  
Elmo: There it goes again!  
  
Death FRB: I'll let someone explain- behold The Gods of FF Narrative Causality  
  
(They wait for 5 minutes)  
  
Chibi: Where are these Gods?  
  
Death FRB: I'll try again The gods of FF Narrative Causality  
  
(Another Wait)  
  
Pooch: Awww, shame. Looks like the Gods are a no-show. How about conjuring rabbits?  
  
Death FRB: They… told me that's how to summon them…  
  
(There's a big bang of Pink smoke and the Gods Appear)  
  
Death FRB: It's about time!  
  
Male God: Oh? Did we miss our entrance?  
  
Draven: By about 10 minutes.  
  
Female God 1: We'd have gotten here earlier but someone was doing their hair.  
  
Female God 2: Hey! Go easy on me, it's my first manifestation as a goddess. Gotta look presentable for the mortals.  
  
Male God: May we present ourselves. We are the Gods of FF Narrative Causality. My name is God Leo.  
  
Female God 1: My name is Goddess Terra.  
  
(She nudges F.God 2 who's preening her self in front of a mirror)  
  
Female God 2: And my name is Goddess Aerith/Aeris, whatever you want to call me really um…  
  
G.Terra: (Whispering to Leo) I told you she shouldn't have come.  
  
G.Leo: Shut up It's her first job as a deity.  
  
Elmo: Ummm Sir (and Madams), May I interrupt?  
  
G.Terra: Yes… (G.Aerith pushes in front of her)  
  
G Aerith: Yes of course Uncle Elmo, how can we help you?  
  
Elmo: What are these Laws, exactly?  
  
G.Aerith: Ummm I'm not sure... Leo?  
  
G.Terra (mumbling) Useless stupid Ancient...  
  
G.Leo: The Laws are what govern all aspects of storytelling. You see in every dimension stories actually happen but sometimes they need a little gentle persuasion. This is what we do. Now in this circumstance some people have infiltrated the FFVII Story world and corrupted it. That's why Weapon didn't arrive. What you have to do is find these problems and eliminate them.  
  
Draven: What if we refuse to help you?  
  
G.Leo: Then go home, just bear in mind that if this dimension is destroyed then so is all others including the one you laughably call 'Reality'.  
  
Pooch: So what you're saying is we don't help, we kiss reality goodbye?  
  
G.Aerith: I think that's what Leo said, yes.  
  
Ambigore: Why are we all like we are, Why is Pooch a dog and why does Draven have that haircut?  
  
Elmo: And why don't I have a sword?  
  
Draven: Someone diss my haircut?  
  
G.Terra: You are now part of the story, part of this world, and you have to abide by this world's rules.  
  
Chibi: Wearing THIS dress! I'm surprised the fashion police haven't taken me away by now.  
  
G.Leo: You will be split into three groups each with a task to perform.  
  
Chibi,Death FRB and Pooch, you will seek out Diamond Weapon and make him attack Junon.  
  
Draven and Exiled Weapon, you will help Cloud get to the Northern Continent, the Highwind has been stolen.  
  
Ambigore, Elmo You will travel to the Promised Land and persuade the Lifestream to save the Planet. We wish you good luck!  
  
Elmo: Wait a min-  
  
(All the mortals disappear)  
  
G.Leo: Well that was a complete failure.  
  
G.Terra: Don't blame me, blame the flower girl!  
  
G.Aerith: Hey! What's wrong with selling flowers? At least I didn't vaporise two innocent soldiers!  
  
G.Terra: Vicks and Wedge were killed by the Esper!  
  
G.Aerith: Oh Yeah? I saw them the other day and they say you did it!  
  
G.Terra: A LIE! At least I didn't die in the middle of the game!  
  
G.Leo: Uhh Terra……  
  
G.Terra: (Realising) Oh… well at least I didn't need crappy stones to do Magic.  
  
G.Aerith: Two words.. Limit Break!  
  
G.Terra: Huh!  
  
G.Leo Shut up! I'm trying to get a fix on Chibi. Oh there she is…  
  
CHIBI'S ADVENTURE  
  
(Chibi is sitting on the floor in an old house, Pooch is in a basket that is on Chibi's lap., A little dwarf creature tugs at her hand and beckons her outside)  
  
Munchkid: Hey! Little lady! You killed snow, The Wicked Witch of the South  
  
Chibi: (Looking around) You know Pooch, I don't think we're in Junon anymore…  
  
Next Time: Chibi begins her quest featuring more wicked witches, Weapons and other things beginning with W that I can't think of at the moment!  
  
Authors Notes:  
  
Ambigore: former creator of the FFVII Citadel, Great Debater currently studying hard (aren't we all?).  
  
Draven: Fierce Debater, not a person to cross lightly!  
  
Exiled Weapon: Very Skilled Writer and excellent at bringing her Point across.  
  
Chibi Chan: Probably one of the Best Fanfic Writers out there. Magic Knights is riotously funny.  
  
Uncle Elmo: Yours Truly! Writer of Fanfics, Creator of Buzzin the Comic, Sociology, History and Psychology student, all rolled into one.  
  
Terra and Leo are from FFIII (FF6j) and we all know Where Aerith's from.  
  
Now that the serious bit is over then the fun can begin!!!!!!!!!! 


End file.
